This is my 8 week Remicade treatment and I feel a little better but not like some people say they feel after the medicine. I have heard some people say they felt 99% better after the first dosage but I just didn’t feel it. I really wish that I could feel like my old self but it just isn’t going to happen as soon as I had hoped. Well, if things had gone my way then it wouldn’t be right now then would it? My life is supposed to be one letdown after another, any other way would just be strange.
I am very afraid that I may wind up in the hospital again if this doesn’t get any better. I seriously don’t need that. I just know that stress is going to kill me eventually. Why does it have to be so harsh on my condition? You can’t avoid stress, its everywhere! Some would say that I create my own stress but honestly I just want to be happy like everyone else. I just want to live like everyone else! I’m a person not a disease!
I hate being judged, it’s like someone saying “I’m too good to even bother with you!”. Maybe I’m just too trusting of a soul, too understanding and caring to fathom how some people can be so cold and callous. Makes you think whether some people are even worth your time, but I won’t ever be that way! I will always look for the best in people and think that even thought they are the worst person I have ever met, that deep down inside of them there has to be some inkling of good, some shred of decency in there! I like who I am and I am not going to change…