Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that this game was gonna rock on this many levels. It’s amazing to think of how far this whole series has gone. I have played it a few times today already, its cool. I’m really enjoying it. Off to sleep…Nighty night!
Not much to do today except hang around and be bored. I tried to watch TV and there was virtually nothing on as usual. I miss Lost! At least I had that to look forward to every Wednesday night. Nothing is good on TV anymore. It’s why I initially stopped watching it in the first place. I only started watching Lost because I was very sick when the pilot episode aired and the only thing I could do that night was lie in bed. Talked to Jen and KC most of the night and was trying to write the next episode of The Leftovers. I got a few paragraphs done but I know I’m gonna go back and change stuff before I post it.
I promised myself that I would play my Legend of Zelda Game tomorrow after I clean my room. I need to do this or I’ll just keep sitting here looking at it feeling like shit. I honestly would not mind the distraction. I remember when I played Wind Waker…I was so excited to get up every day so I could go further in the game. I would laugh at myself because I made up my own names for all the enemies and extra characters. haha! And when I lost Marklar (one of my names I got from South Park) in the dungeon, I spent two days looking for him only to realize that it was marked on the damn map! duh! Then when I finally reached the spot, I still couldn’t find him! Here he was under this huge fan thing that was under the floor! haha, he was right beneath me! lol! I know I got so mad at that stupid jerk cyclone guy (I called him Mr. Whipple because it was the first name that came to mind…lol don’t squeeze the Charmin). I couldn’t find him in the ocean! And then I couldn’t figure out what to do when I found him. Thank God for walkthroughs. lol.
I was thinking today…dangerous yes….about what’s happened in the last 6 years of my life! Its amazing really how fast time goes by. Back in 2000 when I first got sick. It was mild at first but still rather painful. Then I met jerkass ex-husband in 2001! OH JOY! Then spent the next four years a virtual prisoner in my own home. :( I wasted four years of my life! I stayed with him because I was his wife and I didn’t even think about my own feelings. All those years of being treated like I was beneath him, like I was a piece of crap compared to him…its sad to think about it now. I think I stayed because most of my closer friends know I’m THE most loyal person in the world. I tend to look for the good in people even when they are completely evil to the core. A nun at school once told me that a quality like that is grace and beauty all in one! I don’t know about that! I’m a good person but grace and beauty? I dunno. I can’t help it that I’m not judgmental, I never have been. I always give someone the benefit of the doubt. Ya know, when you see that handicapped person walking down the street and you see people making faces or laughing; that always makes me so angry. I see that person for who they are, not what’s on the outside. I don’t know too many people like that. Most people just jump to conclusions and assume that all handicapped people are weird. Close-minded in my opinion. People are always afraid of what they don’t understand and that’s sad. WWJD? (What Would Jack Do?) he’d start crying! haha!
Okay this is long enough already! I’m really tired now and I better go to sleep. Have to do that walk tomorrow in the morning. ;)
This is my 8 week Remicade treatment and I feel a little better but not like some people say they feel after the medicine. I have heard some people say they felt 99% better after the first dosage but I just didn’t feel it. I really wish that I could feel like my old self but it just isn’t going to happen as soon as I had hoped. Well, if things had gone my way then it wouldn’t be right now then would it? My life is supposed to be one letdown after another, any other way would just be strange.
I am very afraid that I may wind up in the hospital again if this doesn’t get any better. I seriously don’t need that. I just know that stress is going to kill me eventually. Why does it have to be so harsh on my condition? You can’t avoid stress, its everywhere! Some would say that I create my own stress but honestly I just want to be happy like everyone else. I just want to live like everyone else! I’m a person not a disease!
I hate being judged, it’s like someone saying “I’m too good to even bother with you!”. Maybe I’m just too trusting of a soul, too understanding and caring to fathom how some people can be so cold and callous. Makes you think whether some people are even worth your time, but I won’t ever be that way! I will always look for the best in people and think that even thought they are the worst person I have ever met, that deep down inside of them there has to be some inkling of good, some shred of decency in there! I like who I am and I am not going to change…