Insanity Squared

so mad that you wanted to punch someone?

I was going to ship a package tomorrow at the post office and I had it all planned to take the bus up to the mall…where the post office is…and my mom drops this wonderful surprise in my lap. My brother is coming with his stupid fucking dogs tomorrow around 10:30am so I have to be here to let him. Because my stupid lazy ass unemployed other brother cant get his ass out of bed before 4pm.

So suddenly she wants to know why I’m going to the mall alone. She accused me of meeting a man there alone. Then yelled at me because she said she didn’t like my tone. She was the one who started yelling at me in the first place. I am so sick of this shit. I think I’m going to puke.

Okay, usually when I get my Remicade, its no big deal. Not today! (I asked if weight gain was one of the side effects and he said yes, just lovely).

They couldn’t find a usable vein. The first IV he stuck in was fine then blew out and the fold of my arm blew up as fluid filled under the skin. You want to talk about pain, it felt like my arm was being squeezed tightly. Then, because he had already mixed the medication and its worth about $2000, so we didn’t waste it, he tried the other arm. See, I’ve had so many needles in my life that my veins are pretty scarred up. They always have trouble getting in there. He couldn’t get the vein at all. He dug around but it wouldn’t pop up. And if anyone knows having someone move a needle around inside your skin, IT HURTS! So, he gave up there and moved to my wrist. Even more painful because there are more nerves there. Couldn’t get that one to work either. He finally just gave up and called in the anesthesiologist to try and find a vein they could tap. She had to find a small one on the underside of my forearm which hurt like crazy because the skin is so thin there.

And of all days, I’m all alone. Why is it whenever I need someone, at a time like this, I always end up alone? And people wonder why I feel the way I do. I really needed to talk to someone when I got home today instead of just lying on my bed crying. My arms are all bruised and aching and yeah, I’m just a little upset about being poked with a needle five times in a row.

Okay, alone all day with my thoughts, having to wait for the episodes to be chopped up with the clips I need. I am going to use this song and it’s going to be original!

I am so sick of these people who pump out vid after vid and don’t leave any good ideas for anyone else. Five vids a month is too much. If you make five vids a month then you seriously have no life and I don’t feel like such a loser. I have never been able to make five vids a month (I did two in one week once and they both sucked ass because I rushed). Maybe I just take my time and try to juggle it along with other crap in my life. Who the hell knows. I just find it annoying how a person can pump out so many vids in a months time, it signifies they didn’t really put a lot of effort into in my eyes.

So yeah, if you hadn’t already been able to tell, my idea was already done for the vid I was gonna do, so I had to make some major alterations. Still the same concept, just different people. I moved all my work to my private forum, I honestly don’t make vids or write fics for comments…I do it to make myself feel like I can accomplish things. This vid will not be submitted anywhere but on my private forum. It’s too racy anyway, not intended for all audiences. Already some scenes are just “WHOA!” I’m just very private about certain things and if its my art then yeah, I’ll keep it under wraps.

It’s coming along very well, or if I say this I’ll get a giggle out of Cupcake, “It’s FanTIStico!”