Insanity Squared

What the hell is wrong with me?!?! I’m so damn scared to be on the road yet my instructor says I’m a natural at driving. I am so scared someone is going to hit me or I’m going to hit someone or something. So annoying, I wish I could just get over this already. I have two weeks because my instructor says I’m ready and he’s scheduling my driving exam for then. O_o

School is still sucking the life from me. :( I did start birth control this past Sunday to slow down these stupid periods. I don;t really need the birth control end of them yet because Cupcake and I decided we are going to wait to meet in person.  We both agreed it would be better to wait a little longer for him to graduate college. That way he won’t have to answer to anyone. I keep feeling like the forces of nature are doing everything in their power to keep us apart. :(

Our little baby Tabitha (Shih Tzu) has kidney stones and is passing little bits of blood when she goes potty. :( I’m so worried, she my little buddy. I hope she’s alright and it isn’t anything serious. I’m always threatening my mom that I’m going to steal her, she’s so damn adorable!

Told ya she was cute! I just pray she’s alright. :(

PS. *hugs for my grieving friend* Call me if you need me. I’m always here if you need me. I’ll post my cell on Jindai High in case you misplaced it.

Good God! College is sucking the life from my soul, and my body. I slept 10 hours last night and I’m still tired. I worked for over 16 hours on my Database Lab this week and still don’t think I did it right because I have no clue what the hell fucking keys do. I feel like I devote over 40 hours a week to my courses and it’s crazy. *crashes*

I drove for the first time on the road last Thursday. Boy, was that surreal. I almost blew a red light on one of the busiest roads in Philly. Thank God the instructor has a break pedal on his side as well. He did however say that I have a natural ability to drive which is weird because I can’t do anything with that talent except DRIVE! That helps me none in life except to get from one place to another. *eyeroll* That’s kind of the idea…

I’ve been taking it out on Cupcake and I know he feels it. I’m just so stressed out that his sarcasm has become too much to ignore anymore. So, when he mocks me or corrects me in his usual haughty manner I can feel my irritation rising. Like today, I had to run all the way up to Oxford Valley Mall which is like 30 minutes away from me, to get a book for my son for school. Then my mom wanted to return something to JCPenney so that took 20 minutes. Then on the way home, there was an accident on the road which backed us up for a good half hour. When I got home he was bitching at me! I’m so not in the mood for that right now. I snapped saying “I sent you a note saying I would be late! What is the fucking problem?” I got flashbacks of being married to my ex-husband…he would freak out if I was even ten minutes late coming home from work and start accusing me of cheating on him. *eyeroll*

I dunno, I’m just so tired and I’m doing like a million things at once. I hate multi-tasking! It doesn’t suit me at all. And the fact that he requires about 40+ hours of my time every week is beginning to put a strain on my schoolwork. I even had to lay out the fact that I will have to leave early some days because of assignment deadlines. I love him so much but if he doesn’t cut me some slack soon, I’m going to explode.